Saturday, April 11, 2009

Fixed on Missing

My ability to fixate is extraordinary.
Losing my student ID card and the stuck-on slip of paper with my locker combinations has wrecked havoc on my mental health. I back-tracked the exact steps (through the ditches and across busy streets), slipped back into the empty school building and miraculously unlocked high-tech classroom, and sifted through all my many piles of papers and pillows. I didn’t find it sadly, but I have some ideas about where it could be. I formulated a plan of action about where to look and who to talk to next – this did not take long. What took around 24 hours, not including sleeping time, was how long I fixated on losing my student ID card and the suck-on slip with the combos – this is how long it took for me to look, to worry, to call people, to email out a request for help in searching, and to decide that my plans of actions were okay to do, but mostly to worry and think some more about my loss.

My ability to fixate is a both a boon (powers of concentration in matters of importance) and doom (powers of time wastage if the matter isn’t useful for me) 
I need to reign in the doom part. In relation to my missing ID, I could have fixated less by:
1) More frequent checks of whether I have everything (cell phone, ID, keys, other items on my person)
2) When I notice something missing, right away go look for it
3) Don’t suppress fixation thoughts (suppression would make thoughts worse)

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